Today I feel dark, not in a bad mood. Not in a depressed mood, just dark. Some days are like that. I wake up fine, the days are fine and all is right. I just feel off.
It’s days like today that test your character. Make it difficult to follow through with plans. Since I found dieting I’ve been a stricter individual when it comes to my life choices. Days like today wane on those choices.
I’ve never been one to drink the Kool-Aid of life. I think of the old phrase you have to drink the Kool-Aid in order to be a part of the group. I’ve always found this very difficult to do. I don’t like to follow, nor do I care to lead. I just want to live the way I want to live. If I had a magic wand and could choose my day I’d be so absorbed into my hobbies I’d forget about time. I’d wake up, eat some Oreos, play a few games of chess while I drink coffee. I would practice my Spanish, I love keeping the streaks. Es bueno. I’d then go out and play 18 holes of golf followed by training in jiujitsu and striking. After I’d make my dinner. Test out a new recipe. Right now I’ve been on an Indian food kick. I made Murgh Changezi Chicken with cilantro rice. Tonight I’ll take the chicken and add it to my homemade pizza dough to make a curry chicken pizza. After that I would sit down and finish gaming with my friend. I could do that everyday until I died. Or until my body gave out.
The problem is I already do all of that. I just have somewhere that takes up most of my time. Not saying it’s bad, we have to work to help society, just it was never my calling. My dream would be to make croissants and pizza for people. Maybe one day I’ll get to do that. Until then, I’ll just have days that test me.
I’ve never felt like following the normal path of society. I never cared to be a part of a team. Hell I don’t even care if that means I’ll be alone. You have to learn to love yourself. You have to learn to grow. You have to learn. Sometimes life kicks you around. Whether I live till I’m 70 or die tomorrow in a freak accident. I can at least say one thing. I don’t drink the Kool-aid because the Kool-aid isn’t me.
Housed and Fed 